This is undoubtedly the toughest post I’ve written, but I believe it’s for the best. It’s my way of expressing grief now that I’ve run out of tears.
Yesterday morning, Hana the Portage Puppy took her final breath after being hit by a vehicle. It was an accident, but one which could’ve been avoided.
After parking my Jeep on the far side of my street in front of my home, I took a quick glance for traffic and let go of Hana’s leash, telling her to run to the front door. Something she’s done so many times before. I was unloading some cargo and needed both hands. When I finished, I waited for an SUV to pass before crossing the road when I saw something which will remain engrained in my mind forever. I saw Hana lying on the ground, bleeding heavily from her head. She must have run back to see what was taking me so long and got hit.
There was nothing I could do but place my hand on her still warm body and beg her for forgiveness.
Every since we adopted her nearly three years ago, Hana has brought so much joy to me, my family and my friends. Even my neighbors loved her, always rushing out to give her belly rubs and treats.
She was the best friend, roommate, and outdoors partner I could ask for, joining me on 20 backcountry trips. Just this year alone, she’s spent 27 days exploring Algonquin and Killarney. I’d like to think that she lived a short but fulfilling life, but I can’t help feeling like I failed her at the end. Why couldn’t I have just made one extra trip to the house for her?
I know she had a big heart and that she’d forgive me for my negligence. Just like she forgave me and my partner that time we started paddling without realizing we left her at a portage. Or for the dozens of times I stepped on her paws while hiking.
Unfortunately, it’ll take a lot longer for me to forgive myself.
Rest in Peace, My Sweet Hana.
